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Showing posts with label twins. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twins. Show all posts

Thursday, 16 December 2010

Past Lives

Hello there transient, barely-there readership,


You know, after she came out of my head last week. I had a brief period where I thought I might not be pregnant anymore. I can't lie, I was relieved. The whole enterprise is very disruptive to my work. However, the standard unpleasant tests have put paid to that particular theory. I am still with child and, now, additionally with twin.

Wigmore B's progress is much slower than I would have liked. As her Twitter feed attests,  she can use the tech: Twitter, the iphone, Chrome - she was doing that before she started forming complete sentences. However, I'm finding that she just refuses to communicate with me in any other medium than Tweets. It is most vexing because I don't go around dividing my essence into many bodies so that it can ignore my work schedule and piss about with goo on its face.

Her dwelling place.
Already the odour has achieved a distinct and near-chewable quality - I wonder if her smell is different to mine. 

In addition to her refusal to work or speak, she hasn't yet washed herself, won't take off her filthy blue cardigan and has taken up residence on a pile of dirty laundry at the foot of my bed where she Tweets and sleeps with unnerving regularity.


I took this about an hour ago, when it began to snow.
She is hostile and confused by any change in the weather.


More disturbing than any of this however were the developments of yesterday. I decided, after a particularly dehibilating morning that resulted in several important footwear items being defiled, I decided to do what I have always done in times of duress: and swan off to the cinema. I went to Cinema City and saw 'Uncle Boonbee Who Can Recall His Past Lives' a Thai film selcted solely on the basis on its title and one still image of a dark presence with glowing eyes. My delight was later solidified when I read this, (now devastatingly excised, and me without my screencap) line from the Wikipedia entry:

'This film was well received by critics and the gays.'

I need no further encouragement, no greater aesthetic endorsement then that.


The film itself was dreamlike and indistinct. Sons came back as ghost monkeys, an aged princesses masturbated with a live catfish, a monk had a shower and there was a five minute scene featuring the most tender cuddle I have yet seen on film.



My friend fell asleep through parts of it and I don't mind telling you, transient ghost reader, I was bored insane at just as many points as I was thrilled. That's dreams for you.

And that's by the by.

The thing is that I went back home to decorate the flat for Christmas with my other, non-clone housemate Marion. Marion is kind and practical and views an additional Wigmore as no particular worry  as long as she contributes to the house fund, keeps the bathroom in a fit state. Marion is a blessing but this too is by the by. 


The thing is that even though she was ensconced in her sticky bedroom-based den all day, Wigmore B could see the film. She knew it. I returned to find her muttering Thai and simulating the unfortunate princess/fish love tryst with one of my rucksacks. Her Twitter feed confirmed my suspicions:


How strange. How strange and useful from a phd research standpoint - I need only pay for one ticket. We don't appear to be linked in any other way. I haven't dreamed anything in such a long time and it seems like she does nothing but sleep and kick and whimper with some secret narrative or other. I haven't a clue what goes on inside this new head. She's as much a mystery to me as the baby.

Oh god. What if she's pregnant too?

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

Split me a new one

Hello no-one as yet and the obliged,

I am not going to lie, the week has been disappointing. With three days and 5 hours to go on the outfit, it seems that no-one is buying.

If you like, we can extend the metaphor on that.

UEA is unremittingly demanding in its expectation of rigorous academic theory and ability to perform. Mondays mean the fabled Breakfast Club, which is much more impassioned and bombastic arguments concerning critical theory and poetics, held at a level of academic discourse I cannot hope to achieve, and much less Molly Ringwald gyrating wildly in through and about the montage form, blissfully oblivious to a world that neither understands nor appreciates her potent adolescent sexuality.**

It is academia's loss.
I am finding it difficult to situate myself in the context of phd Breakfast-based discourse and it goes without saying there are no donuts.

I did a presentation on my quest to become the most famous writer in England & Its Associated Isles and I hope I'm not incorrect in stating that the reception the project received was somewhat chilly. I tried, oh faithful, non-existent readership to dramatise my concerns in the form of a filmed review of 'The Social Network' in which I enlisted my undisputed mastery of Final Cut Express to talk about the failure of the movie in tone, form and execution.



Appropriate to the project is the film's refusal to function after countless hours of uploading. I will let it stand here as a memorial slab to excessive ambition and general desperate sparkle shirley sparkle!-based discourse.
EDIT: link now functioning. Click click and click away.

The Epic Fail is a notion very dear to me. I consider this blog a failure. I know you do too. Don't lie to me I can't even monetise my underwear, which is something that any decent Japanese student can do, and at a pre-undergraduate level.

I am going to have to rethink everything. Soon enough the traffic will arrive from the UEA website and I must show the people the full force of my power.

Verily Walter Benjamin and his Arcades and his theory of mirrors was thrown at me like so much wet spaghetti. I will be forever grateful however as it brought me to this majestic little site,
which was made in 2007 and is blissfully redolent of 1999. Authored by the gloriously monikered Heather Marcelle Crickenberg, it's a study in hypertexts of Benjamin's Arcades Project.

Keeping to the immediate surface as is my custom, the site design is largely: Chrome (not the browser, the virtual brush of metal) purple, repeated Pinky & The Brain wallpaper motifs.

It's like my teen psyche regurgitated online with an developed interest in aesthetic theory.

I can't help but think if I get Heather Marcelle Crickenberger on side, everything will be fine. I can't help but feel we are one. Heather Marcelle Crickenberger, you will be mine.

It will be earnt.




**If 'potent adolescent sex' doesn't slide me on up the Google rankings, I don't have any faith in a higher deity or adwords.