The Ballad Of Wigmore & Hollister Co. PART THREE: There ain't nothin' like a dame

The story of John Hollister continues...
Part One --- Part Two --- Part Four

John sold the rubber plantation and used part of the money to purchase a 50-foot schooner. the young couple spent the next two years sailing the South Pacific. John treasured the entire South Pacific and the works of the artisans that lived there.

For something that swears that it's bathed in California sunshine, Hollister keeps its stores oaken and dark. It is as though you've stumbled into your wealthy father's smoking parlour and for reasons inexplicable to your young mind, has decided to build himself a small fort out of terrycloth.

Though it must take something from you, to treasure an entire nation so completely. How can Meta, your beautiful Dutch plantation wife, compete with their intricately crafted surfer beads?

The most beautiful woman in the Netherlands was constructed in 2009 in a co-production of Psychologie magazine and the University Of Aberdeen:

Her face is assembled of the top-6 of the most beautiful women from The Netherlands, all of whom are creamy of skin and excessive of vowel:

1 Doutzen Kroes

2 Carice van Houten

3 Touriya Haoud

4 Daphne Bunskoek

5 Hanna Verboom 

6 Tara Elders

All the shop assistants in the Norwich Hollister seem to have the same lovely sheet of brown hair. They have been instructed to wear little make-up, to keep their toes minimal. Without exception their uniform consists of a tight Hollister logo tshirt paired with denim hotpants and the aforementioned fun! flipflops. Of course we'd all be doomed if there was a fire - there's too much alcohol and parfum in the air for the whole place not to ignite instantly, our polycotton blends melting into sharp hard discs spackled with hair and bone. This is inevitable. But if somehow the flames could be contained just for a little while, I wonder if these girls would be allowed to kick off their sandals and run or whether they'd be expected to go down with their ship. The Dutch have great discipline, even if they are shit with beads.

These girls are shit with beads too. They are none the less delightful: nervy and beaming - DELIGHTED to help, albeit in a non-specific fashion. They are at their peak of adolescent beauty and it is difficult not to abandon your dreams of a high waisted floral beach dress immediately and run home to hide under a pile of coats.

 Hollister's darkness is augmented by rigs of exposed theatrical lighting that cast intense beams of light over available merchandise and the cheekbones of its teen workforce. Of course it's all make believe, and Hollister wants us to know this. It is natural that beautiful people should roam the stage or a film set. It's equally natural that we should watch in the darkness. The absence of light means it's more or less impossible to get a good photo. It is also surprising difficult for a 27 year old woman to ask a line of checkout girls if she can take a panoramic of their hotpants for semiotic online purposes. The words don't form themselves easily, something feels awry. You don't take pictures of another man's wife. So I did what any pervert in my position would do. 

TOMORROW: Hiding in the Changing Rooms

http://rwigmore.blogspot.com/2011/04/ballad-of-wigmore-hollister-co-part_21.html

The Ballad Of Wigmore & Hollister Co. PART TWO

Hollister Co. is a story of passion, youth and love of the sea. it carries the harmony of romance, beauty, adventure and todayis the lifestyle brand for those with an insatiable lust for adventure – both on land and off.

As with slaughterhouses, the first thing that hits you is the smell.

No, it's the noise, no it's the darkness.

It's all of these things. It will be better for you to understand at once that Hollister wishes to control every step of your experience, to enter every orifice it can. The smell that engulfs you on arrival is an expertly blended version of SoCal, their premiere male cologne, intensified by a reduction in the water ratio. It is heady and woodchippy, with notes of patchouli, or something vaguely redolent of freedom. Perhaps there are lemons also.

John took a succession of steamer ships and finally settled in the Dutch East Indies in 1917. John used his trust fund to finance a rubber plantation bought from dutch businessman, Gregory Van Gilder.

The Hollister Spray Bottle remains elusive, at least in Norwich. The STORE SMELL which can, with patience and a small amount of Googling be purchased in clandestine vats over Ebay, is intense and is partnered with a deafening highly curated series of poppy pseudo-surf rock with titles like 'Something Good Can Work' and 'I Like The Girls.' The music is so loud that you must lean close to the face of the beautiful 18 year old whose job it is to greet you. She stands sentry in the 'Bettys' section, just beyond the startlingly colonial seating area at the front of the store. Furious boyfriends can sit in comfort for hours, swathed in Navajo blankets, staring into the chandelier hung with cutesy homespun lampshades. 

Once it becomes clear that you are entering the most adorable plantation house, that the lampshades were probably made by freed East Indian slaves, buoyed by their love for the Dutch colonialists that freed them from (according to Wikipedia) slavery, widow burning, head-hunting, cannibalism, piracy, and internecine wars, everything becomes easier. We're the good guys, we're the aristocrats.

I make sure to lean right into my greeter's face as I shout my question over Maroon 5. I know she is grateful for this. Her skin is impeccable, even in the near darkness.

"DO THEY MAKE YOU WEAR FLIP FLOPS ALL YEAR ROUND?"

While working the plantation, John met and fell in love with the beautiful daughter of Van Gilder, named Meta.

Flip flops are mandatory but this is fine. They're fun! Who doesn't love flip flops? His girlfriend is called Meta. Meta. This is CANDY. It is like they want semiotics students crawling all over them. I feel giddy. Our dollar is as good as any given teenager and by god, we could all look good in a flippy floral cotton/jersey dresses. It doesn't matter that it is all too short. I just won't bend. I just won't bend.


TOMORROW: "But this is for the social sciences!" --Photographing hotpants for fun and profit

Part One --- Part Three